Its always hard to wrap words around who you are and what lights you up. Recently I’ve been diving into some heart-centered marketing resources to help me step over my fears as a more introverted spiritual type to explain what I do as a coach in a way that doesn’t make peoples eyes glaze over… ennea-what?
As part of this process I’ve also been asking previous clients to describe the benefits of working with me. Here is what Randall, a real estate broker and meditation guide had to say about his experience:
“In terms of explaining the benefits of Bird in Hand coaching to someone else… that is hard to do because the benefits are probably different than what people expect going in. In a way it is always going to be a surprise! For me learning my Enneagram type was hugely impactful and led to a big “aha moment.” I came to better understand how fear has often been a motivator and to make some big changes in response to that insight. In particular it has helped me approach relationships from a more realistic standpoint so that I can better take care of myself. I highly recommend Courtney’s Enneagram coaching. I’ve found it to be a very enlightening process, and Courtney is quite skilled as a coach!” You can read more about how people describe Bird in Hand coaching here…
I love Randall’s observation that the real benefits of supportive relationships often are a surprise. His quote also has me reflecting on how it feels to identify and make space for our own growing edges (which is often where the fear bubbles up). And on how we hold ourselves as we look honestly at our growth process.
Fear comes up frequently in areas of our life where we are under-resourced. This a natural part of growth. As we shift, try new things, reach out into the world it is common to feel vulnerable, exposed or anxious– like we are reaching forward and lose our balance. This is especially true when we are stretching into new areas and don’t yet have a container for feedback from trusted colleagues or relationships. Then all of our own worst ideas about ourselves can flourish and we can spend alot of valuable energy (and time) wondering: Do they like me? Did I do it right? Am I safe? If I try this new thing will I have enough?
So when we recognize that we are in a tender spot of transition how do we resource ourselves?
1) It starts with our own attention. Simply notice that you are experiencing some fear or anxiety and get curious about it. In whatever way you can cultivate compassion for yourself around this experience of growing and shifting. Meditation is also a wonderful tool for naming and receiving reality as it is. A simple body scan and five or ten minutes of breathing in silence can be restorative as you ask yourself where you feel the fear in your body. Locating it in a particular area (tight chest, throat, belly etc) can itself be a relief as it allows you to step out of the fear and identify with other parts of you which may feel calmer. And to realize that while it may feel like fear or anxiety is overwhelming you like a tidal wave, there are actually other parts within which feel calm and solid. (check out your feet! When I am stirred up and busy with anxious thoughts they frequently remain calm and relaxed!)
2) Release the fear. This is not a one time thing. We have to release our fears again and again. This can be as simple as sharing it with a trusted friend to hold it with you. Or imagining pouring all that acrid fear energy out of your body and into the ground— and letting the earth absorb it. Or in meditation imagine handing it over to God/Source/Mystery.
3) Tune into the Resources. We can’t be good at everything. As we release our fear and expectations often we create a beautiful inner shift in which humility and honesty can grow. And we may recognize resources around and underneath us which we never saw before with hands locked tight in survival mode. These can be friends, family, books and written resources, coaches, acupuncturists, anyone who helps you feel in your body that you are supported on your journey. And helps you hold yourself with compassion as you grow and change.
So I invite you to check out my Welcome video by clicking on the photo above. It is exhibit A of my own growing edges and desire to explain the work I do in a simple way. I mediated right before filming so I seem pretty soft and zen. Maybe next time I’ll do jumping jacks before hand!
I wonder today what fear(s) you are holding? Is it a fear over a big transition… like a move or job change? Is it fear about a relationship? Or big one… money?
Try the above practices to find some relief and of course I’d love to hear about how it goes in the comments section below.
PS I have space for two new coaching clients in October and would love to talk with you if you feel like you need more support in your life. It is an investment in your health and wellbeing and and an opportunity throughout the 5 months to learn about and integrate powerful tools (enneagram, desire-mapping, meditation) which you will then be able to return to again and again throughout the transitions in your life. Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org or 972.571.6860 for a free conversation to see if Bird in Hand coaching is a good fit for you. Xxo Courtney
*A special thanks today for friend Ashley Donovan of Happy Mind Healthy Body for video filming and encouragement