I realized this week that I have been holding something back from you. Out of fear.
It is funny that after five years of mining my inner process and sharing that experience in my coaching and writing I realize that I am now afraid…. of revealing how happy I am.
I have taught and coached so much about the heartbreak that comes from living a life which doesn’t fit and how I used to feel trapped in a relationship with work which required me to prove and push and strive to make any meaningful progress.
And how in an effort to heal my one very broken heart I ended up discovering and creating the process I now guide clients through and which I describe in my new book The Flourish Formula.
The FLOURISH steps lead us out of that place of rupture to a place where we can thrive. It is a journey of creating a life which fits you so authentically that it supports you rather than having to feel like you are the one holding it together all the time — giving, helping, leading, creating, striving, and reaching.
But what I didn’t expect in this transition to Nicaragua is the impulse to keep my experiences close and to not fully share how beautiful this move has been for our family. While I have been posting some on social media I’ve also been holding back — caught in an internal push/pull. In a way I guess I was afraid of being judged. Or that I would be seen as bragging or worse as false or a cliche.
Do you ever feel this way?
It makes me wonder why is it easier to be honest about the challenges than the joys and celebrations?
And why would I hold the good stuff back?
So I have decided I’m not going to.
Because here is the honest truth — I have never been happier.
Yes it has only been a month and of course we miss our beloved friends and family in the U.S. But Nicaragua felt like a kind of home to me when I lived here fifteen years ago and I have been relieved and delighted to slip back into that feeling once again.
And to drink in the crazy pleasure of living in a town as lovely as Granada, the Paris of Central America. Every house painted a different hue.
And of taking my children to swim on beaches with black volcanic sand and to watch them grow shinier and more confident in Spanish day by day.
And to have my husband now working with me (something I haven’t really shared with you before now. I’ll give him a proper intro and explain more how he will be supporting Bird in Hand Coaching soon). I think were were both surprised and excited about the opportunity for collaboration which opened as we stepped into this new framework for our life in Nicaragua.
And part of the process of getting comfortable sharing fully all that is going well has been to really recognize that part of me that at times has judged other women or avoided celebrating their successes — feeling that life was somehow a zero sum game. Holding to the painful idea that each accomplishment she marked off her list somehow diminished me.
This is a false economy. And I realize I’m being invited to let that habit go — even in the funny little corners of my mind where it has been hanging on.
I think we are actually invited forward into our own unique expression of a beautiful life. It is our birthright and our soul or our true essence always knows our way here.
Not that there is one specific place so much — flourishing is less a finish line than a felt sense. A homecoming. Settling into a life which rather than being hard and heavy and full of obligations which leave you unsatisfied and weighed down instead surprises and delights and buoys you.
This is what I want for all of us! Especially because this way of living actually frees up our energy for the contributions which are uniquely ours to make. Our legacy work.
So I’m committing to sharing my celebrations and to whole-heartedly honoring yours. In fact increasingly I think that celebrating another’s pleasure and success may be one of the fastest ways we draw it into our own lives.
Below I share some of the most luscious pics of our first month in Nicaragua, courtesy of my husband. Who in addition to being a beautiful human, is a beautiful photographer.
And I want to thank you all for your kindness and encouragement as we went through this big change. There is so much yet to figure out (school options, permanent housing) before we really land but so much to celebrate right where we are.
Love and all the good,
Courtney Pinkerton, M.Div & M.PP, is a holistic life coach and the founder of Bird in Hand Coaching. She holds dual masters degrees from Harvard Divinity School and Harvard Kennedy School and is the creator of the 8 step FLOURISH Coaching program. Courtney loves hosting retreats for women in nature and beauty-drenched locales. In live events and through her coaching Courtney helps busy women unlock their greatest gifts and thrive in their personal lives. In June 2017 she moved to Nicaragua with her husband Richard Amory and their three children where together they are exploring volcanic islands, colonial cities, and area beaches to find their perfect spot to land.
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